Written by Executive Search Partner Frankie Ashford
To have children or not to have children – it’s a question many women grapple with at some point in their lives. With biological, career, and relationship factors all playing a role in this life-changing decision, why is it so often a topic that friends, family, and even strangers feel entitled to question?
In this article, Executive Research Partner Frankie Ashford shares her perspective on the relationship between children, success, and careers—and why the decision to have or not have children is unique to everyone.
The decision to have children is deeply personal, yet society often pressures individuals to justify their choices. Questions like “When are you having kids?” can feel intrusive, especially as time passes and societal expectations intensify. The assumption that childlessness should result in a more successful career, or an alternative life path oversimplifies the reality that success is not one-size-fits-all. I don’t have kids, but I’m close with my niece and nephews, and they’re a huge part of my life. Parenthood isn’t the only path, and the choices we make should align with what feels right for us, not what others expect.
The Uncomfortable Question: “When Are You Having Kids?”
People often ask out of curiosity, but as I get older, that question feels heavier. It suggests that being childless is something that needs explaining. Society places a strong emphasis on a traditional trajectory: marriage, children, and then fulfilment. But life isn’t linear. For a long time, I felt no need to explain my situation. As I approach 40, I find myself grappling with expectations, not just about children but about career progression too.
The Assumptions Behind “Can You Have Kids?”
This question can be particularly difficult, as it assumes that if I don’t have children, it must be due to an inability rather than a choice. The reality is often more complex and personal. Whatever the reason, no one should feel obligated to explain their circumstances.
The Career Myth: “Shouldn’t You Be Further Along?”
Shouldn’t I be further ahead in my career since I don’t have kids? The idea that being childless should automatically lead to career success can be a lot of pressure. But success at work isn’t just about having more time; it’s shaped by ambition, opportunities, timing, and the support we have along the way.
I admire many women who balance demanding careers and family life. Their success comes from resilience, not fewer distractions. Whether they’re single mothers, in high-pressure jobs, or facing personal struggles, their accomplishments are built on dedication.
Conversely, childless women also face unique challenges: loneliness, societal pressure, and sometimes feeling out of place in a world centred around parenthood. Career paths are rarely linear. Success isn’t about working longer hours; it’s about creating meaningful work aligned with who we are.
Redefining Success: Beyond “Mother” or “Career Woman”
What if success isn’t about being a mother or climbing the career ladder? What if fulfilment comes from a unique path, crafted outside conventional expectations? There’s space for women who don’t fit into predefined categories.
For those facing infertility, grieving unfulfilled dreams of motherhood, or choosing a different journey, your strength and resilience are inspiring. Your life is not incomplete just because it doesn’t align with traditional norms.
Key Lessons
Here are a few insights from my personal experience, hoping they help anyone navigating decisions about children and their journey.
Define Life on Your Own Terms
Stop measuring life against societal expectations. Whether you choose motherhood, a career-focused life, or something in between, what matters most is that it aligns with your values and aspirations.
No One Path Is “Better” Than Another
Every woman’s path is different, and all are worthy of respect. Mothers balancing careers and parenthood deserve admiration, but so do women who navigate childlessness with grace, whether by choice or circumstance. Career success isn’t determined by the absence of children, and fulfilment doesn’t follow a single path.
Be Mindful of the Questions You Ask
Asking why someone doesn’t have children can be intrusive. Personal decisions are complex, often influenced by private factors. Instead of focusing on what’s missing, ask people what brings them joy and fulfilment. Open-ended questions like “What inspires you?” foster richer, more inclusive conversations.
It’s Okay to Be Uncertain
There’s immense pressure to having everything figured out, about children, relationships, or careers, but uncertainty is part of life. If you’re still figuring things out, that’s okay. Allow yourself time to reflect and choose what feels right for you, free from external pressures.
Find Balance in Your Own Way
Whether or not you have children, balancing career and personal life is crucial. Success isn’t a race. Don’t buy into the idea that career milestones should come faster just because you don’t have kids. Prioritise what makes your life fulfilling, whether it’s work, hobbies, friendships, or travel.
Living Authentically: No Justification Required
Above all, live authentically. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your choices. Trust that you know what’s best for your life. Whether you’re single, married, childless, or a mother, don’t let societal judgments dictate your journey.
Success isn’t about following a prescribed path; it’s about creating a life that brings you joy and purpose. You are enough, exactly as you are.
My life may not include children of my own, but that doesn’t mean I lack love, contentment, or success. My niece and nephews are a huge part of my world, and I cherish the role I play in their lives. True success is found in the relationships we nurture, the joy we embrace, and the life we create on our own terms.
For more insights and advice from the GRG Executive Search team, or to find out more about the Executive Search market, visit our insights page on our website.